Stop the Security Industry Bullshit. Wear Your Message.
Fed up with "AI-powered", "military-grade", "blockchain-secured" security bollocks?
This isn't your average cyber security hoodie. This is a statement piece for UK small business owners, IT managers, and security professionals who are absolutely done with vendor marketing lies, compliance theatre, and certification snake oil.
What Makes This Hoodie Different:
✅ Premium Heavyweight Construction - 440gsm cotton-rich fabric (70% ringspun cotton, 30% recycled polyester). This is proper quality kit, not cheap promotional rubbish. Built to last through countless conferences, networking events, and heated discussions about password policies.
✅ Provocative Back Design - Full DTG print featuring a steaming pile of industry buzzword bullshit with a massive red prohibition symbol. Every fraudulent claim laid bare: "COMPLIANT!", "CERTIFIED!", "AI-POWERED!", "MILITARY-GRADE!", "BLOCKCHAIN SECURED!" - all the marketing lies you've been fed for years.
✅ Embroidered Front Logo - Premium embroidered "The Small Business Cyber Security Guy" shield on left chest. Quality finishing that signals this isn't mass-market garbage.
✅ Scannable QR Code - Integrated QR code on back links directly to honest, practical cyber security guidance. Turn yourself into a walking resource for people drowning in vendor FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt).
✅ Functional Design Features:
- Brushed inner fleece for warmth without bulk
- Oversized boxy unisex fit (current streetwear styling)
- Kangaroo pouch pocket with internal phone holder
- Three-panel double-fabric hood
- Ribbed cuffs and hem for shape retention
- No drawcords (clean aesthetic)
Perfect For:
🎯 UK Small Business Owners tired of being sold expensive solutions to problems they don't have
🎯 IT Managers drowning in vendor pitches and compliance checkbox exercises
🎯 Security Professionals who actually understand the difference between real protection and security theatre
🎯 Conference Attendees ready to start genuine conversations about practical security instead of marketing bollocks
🎯 Anyone advocating for honest security guidance over fear-based vendor manipulation
Why This Hoodie Costs More Than Cheap Alternatives:
Because quality matters. We use premium 440gsm heavyweight fabric, professional DTG printing for detailed reproduction, and embroidered logo work. This isn't thin promotional swag that shrinks after three washes. This is investment-grade apparel for professionals who demand substance over style theatre.
Sizing Guide: Oversized boxy unisex fit. Size down if you prefer fitted styling. Size up if you want maximum streetwear aesthetic. Check full sizing chart below.
Care Instructions: Machine wash cold. Tumble dry low. Don't iron directly on print or embroidery. Treat it like the quality garment it is.
Delivery: UK print-on-demand production. Orders typically ship within 5-7 working days. We don't hold stock because we're not filling landfills with unsold inventory. Every hoodie is made specifically for you.
The Small Business Cyber Security Guy Promise:
This hoodie represents everything we stand for: brutal honesty, practical guidance, and zero tolerance for industry bullshit. When you wear this, you're not just making a fashion statement. You're declaring that you're done with compliance theatre, vendor lies, and marketing snake oil.
You're demanding real security advice for real business challenges.
Fed up with "AI-powered", "military-grade", "blockchain-secured" security bollocks?
This isn't your average cyber security hoodie. This is a statement piece for UK small business owners, IT managers, and security professionals who are absolutely done with vendor marketing lies, compliance theatre, and certification snake oil.
What Makes This Hoodie Different:
✅ Premium Heavyweight Construction - 440gsm cotton-rich fabric (70% ringspun cotton, 30% recycled polyester). This is proper quality kit, not cheap promotional rubbish. Built to last through countless conferences, networking events, and heated discussions about password policies.
✅ Provocative Back Design - Full DTG print featuring a steaming pile of industry buzzword bullshit with a massive red prohibition symbol. Every fraudulent claim laid bare: "COMPLIANT!", "CERTIFIED!", "AI-POWERED!", "MILITARY-GRADE!", "BLOCKCHAIN SECURED!" - all the marketing lies you've been fed for years.
✅ Embroidered Front Logo - Premium embroidered "The Small Business Cyber Security Guy" shield on left chest. Quality finishing that signals this isn't mass-market garbage.
✅ Scannable QR Code - Integrated QR code on back links directly to honest, practical cyber security guidance. Turn yourself into a walking resource for people drowning in vendor FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt).
✅ Functional Design Features:
- Brushed inner fleece for warmth without bulk
- Oversized boxy unisex fit (current streetwear styling)
- Kangaroo pouch pocket with internal phone holder
- Three-panel double-fabric hood
- Ribbed cuffs and hem for shape retention
- No drawcords (clean aesthetic)
Perfect For:
🎯 UK Small Business Owners tired of being sold expensive solutions to problems they don't have
🎯 IT Managers drowning in vendor pitches and compliance checkbox exercises
🎯 Security Professionals who actually understand the difference between real protection and security theatre
🎯 Conference Attendees ready to start genuine conversations about practical security instead of marketing bollocks
🎯 Anyone advocating for honest security guidance over fear-based vendor manipulation
Why This Hoodie Costs More Than Cheap Alternatives:
Because quality matters. We use premium 440gsm heavyweight fabric, professional DTG printing for detailed reproduction, and embroidered logo work. This isn't thin promotional swag that shrinks after three washes. This is investment-grade apparel for professionals who demand substance over style theatre.
Sizing Guide: Oversized boxy unisex fit. Size down if you prefer fitted styling. Size up if you want maximum streetwear aesthetic. Check full sizing chart below.
Care Instructions: Machine wash cold. Tumble dry low. Don't iron directly on print or embroidery. Treat it like the quality garment it is.
Delivery: UK print-on-demand production. Orders typically ship within 5-7 working days. We don't hold stock because we're not filling landfills with unsold inventory. Every hoodie is made specifically for you.
The Small Business Cyber Security Guy Promise:
This hoodie represents everything we stand for: brutal honesty, practical guidance, and zero tolerance for industry bullshit. When you wear this, you're not just making a fashion statement. You're declaring that you're done with compliance theatre, vendor lies, and marketing snake oil.
You're demanding real security advice for real business challenges.